XLVIII. Cute. August 4, 2020

>driving Lyft

>there is a small red Scion in front of me

>the license plate says “SO CUTE”

>that would be scanned

>One must be very cute indeed to justify such a public announcement of cuteness

>WHEREAS, the declaration of cuteness would no doubt instill curiosity in all who see it, who would then be compelled to judge for themselves if the person’s cuteness WARRANTED the modifier “so,” or if they were hopelessly deluded

>WHEREAS, if the person declaring their SO CUTE cuteness IS cute enough to deserve it, the ANNOUNCEMENT thereof adds excessive flex to an already formidable social advantage

>WHEREAS, by declaring themselves SO CUTE, they invite people—who might otherwise agree that they are cute—to downplay their cuteness and say bragging in such a way nullifies whatever cuteness MIGHT have otherwise been considered cute

>WHEREAS, declaring cuteness in such a way DEMANDS that the cuteness must be so complete, so wholly insurmountable, that even the haters would be unable to claim otherwise without they themselves realizing how hatery they sounded

>WHEREAS, I declare I must see this marvel for myself

>why, I do declare

>the driver of the little red Scion looks like John Ratzenberger

>not what I expected

>but I must say

>John Ratzenberger is pretty dadgum cute