XVIII. Uber Everywhere. February 14, 2020

>driving Lyft

>pick up a guy in Frenchtown

>short trip

>supposed to take him to another, identical-looking part of Frenchtown

>he looks like Eddie Steeples in My Name is Earl

>off we go

>guy says “Hey man, slow down in front of this house real quick”

>I do so

>there are four guys hanging out in the yard

>they look like the d-line for the Dolphins

>guy hangs out the back window and yells “Hey! Hey [fellas]! Looka here! I TOLD you imma Uber! Imma Uber all the time! Imma Uber EVERYWHERE!”

>the largest of the Abrams tanks says “So? Fuck you [fella]! You a bitch-ass [fella]!”

>my passenger loudly assures him that it is they, in fact, who are the bitch-ass [fellas], and not himself

>this seems to be the correct response

>everybody laughs

>on we travel

>guy says, very seriously, “Hey man, don’t you take me on Old Bainbridge. I don’t NEVER go on Old Bainbridge!”

>I gladly choose an alternate route