XXIV. Lunch Lady. February 27, 2020
>driving Lyft
>it’s dark already
>pick up old Black lady at an elementary school
>clearly a lunch lady
>few have a better claim to paradise than lunch ladies
>St. Peter be all “So what did you do with your life?”
>And she can say “Fed children every single day.”
>should be a free pass
>she says she likes my blanket
>I have the back seat covered with a sheet from home
>makes things easier to clean
>she says “Yeah, it’s good you put that on there because people’s behinds be all on your seat.”
>she is correct
>she says “I never drove for Uber, but I had a friend that did, and I used to ride with her at night because she didn’t want to be alone. One time this crackhead got in the car. Right there! Right there on Ocala. He was hiding behind that pole and jumped in at a red light, talking bout ‘take me to Wal-Mart.’ He ain’t even say WHICH Wal-Mart or give us money or nothing. Just “take me to Wal-Mart.”
>I say “So did y’all do it?”
>”I didn’t want to. Dude looked crazy. Dude was off, you know? He starts saying how he always rides Uber and then complains and so never has to pay. And he ain’t even paid in the first place. Now I knew my friend was carrying, and I put my hand in my purse where my mace is, because I had something for that motherfucker if he tried anything.”
>”But my friend…she’s always too nice. You know she went and took him to Wal-Mart? And the whole time he in the car just talking crazy bout this and that. And I thought I might have to kill this motherfucker and I ain’t never doing this Uber stuff no more.”
>”And you know? When he got out of the car, I saw he had his pants near bout down to his knees.”
>I say “Yeah, sometimes people wear their pants like that.”
>she says “Not like this they don’t. He ain’t even have no underwears on. That whole time he been rubbing his bare crackhead behind on the carseat. Nasty.”
>I take her to a bar
>I remark that the place is probably full of loud college kids
>she says “I know. But this is where I come when my husband piss me off.”