LXXXII. Scots Wha Hae. August 17, 2021

>driving Lyft

>I am wearing the hat I always wear

>it is a FAMU hat, because they sign my check

>I have flag pins on it for every country and state I have visited

>it sometimes makes for good conversation

>I pick up this guy going to the Palace Saloon

>he notices my hat about halfway there

>says “Ooooh! I love your hat! Is that everywhere you’ve been?”

>it is indeed

>he says “I’m sorry to ask you this because I know those pins are special to you, but can I have the Jamaica one? I’m actually Jamaican.”

>before I can answer, he says “Oooh, is that Mexico or Italy?”

>”Depends. The one with something in the middle is Mexico.”

>”Oh. You been to Mexico?”

>”Yes”

>”What are the ladies like there? Fine ladies?”

>”I don’t rightly know. I was on my honeymoon. Probably like here, except they speak more Spanish.”

>”You been to Italy?”

>”Yes”

>”Germany?”

>”Yes”

>”Texas? How about Texas? I bet the ladies are fine in Texas.”

>silence for a bit

>then he says “I’m not doing so good with the ladies around here”

>you don’t say

>”Of all the places you’ve been, where do you think I’d have the best chance with the ladies?”

>fuck man I don’t know

>I pick one at random

>”Scotland.”

>dude tenses up and glowers

“Scotland? Scotland? Did you just say that because I’m African-American?”

>wat

>”Yeah man, sure. The Scots love Black people like crazy.”

>we pull up to the Palace as he mulls this over

>it is stupid crowded

>I am in everybody’s way

>and this dude won’t get out of my car

>”You been to China?” he says

>”No”

>”What about Japan? I bet there’s fine ladies in Japan”

>”I have not been to Japan.”

>somebody blows their horn

>he says, “Well, I have taken up enough of your time. Good-bye.”

>and off he goes to stand in line at the Palace