LXXXIII. Bronson and Marty. August 17, 2021

>driving Lyft

>imagine if you will

>3:30 AM on a Tuesday

>the nearly-empty parking lot of Tallahassee Community College

>Action Bronson and Marty Feldman are dancing around a derelict Saturn

>Marty looks very much like his character Eye-gor

>he is wrapped in a blanket and doing the Choctaw Jump Dance

>Action Bronson is a shirtless, triumphant Viking

>he is wearing red shorts so baggy that I thought they were a kilt

>he is dancing like the Bushwhackers

>they cheer and bum-rush the car when I pull up

>Action says “Holy shit bro we are so fuckin glad to see you bro get us the FUCK away from here!”

>Marty hugs me from the backseat and grabs my tit a little

>he says “We love you man! We fuckin LOVE you! Whoo-hoo!”

>Action yells “Bro I fuckin passed that test! That fuckin bitch, fuckin whore, talkin bout I BARELY passed. What the fuck is barely? BITCH I PASSED! Passed is fuckin PASSED!”

>”He passed, yo. He fuckin did that shit” says Marty.

>”Fuck yeah I fuckin passed! Dude did you know TCC had cops? They had like six cops on us and that fuckin lady cop said she’d taze me!”

>”She didn’t fuckin taze you. You passed, man. Good thing I wasn’t driving”

>”Fuck yeah that was a good fuckin thing. You poured that shit out on my shoe”

>Marty giggles. “Fuck yeah I did. They ain’t find shit on me”

>”Bro, this bitch and like six cops pulled us out of the car. She made me blow in the tube and I’m like BOOM bitch! You ain’t got shit on me now! Fuckin talking about how I barely passed. Passed is fuckin PASSED!”

>”They ain’t know you had warrants man”

>Action roars with laughter, bouncing and shaking the car

>”Hell yeah bitch! I got fuckin warrants! They didn’t even look that shit up because I passed and now we are fuckin outta here BECAUSE OF THIS GUY!”

>I receive a mighty clap on the shoulder and another hug from Marty

>”Yeah, man! The fuckin getaway driver!” Marty squeals, “We love you man!”

>”I can’t believe it! I can’t fuckin believe it bro! We got away! We actually fuckin got away!”

>”Man, I thought we was FUCKED, man”

>”Yeah bro we were going to jail for real. But she couldn’t do shit because I passed”

>”That other cop said he’d arrest us if we got back in the car, so we called Uber! Uber! Fuckin getaway car man!”

>”It is the fuckin BEST DAY OF MY LIFE BRO! I thought we were so fucked!”

>I drop them off in a sleepy neighborhood

>their celebration threatens to make it a lot less sleepy

>they tipped me ten bucks