CVI. Auntie. January 3, 2023

>driving Lyft

>it is two in the morning on a Sunday

>I pick up two ladies from a dance club and drive them to their hotel

>both are very drunk

>the less drunk of the two gets out as soon as I park

>heads into the hotel

>I think the other one is asleep

>the first one yells from a second-floor window

>”Auntie! Auntie! You turnt?”

>Auntie stirs and says “Yep”

>”Come on Auntie! AHN-TEE! We at the hotel!”

>Auntie says “Yep”

>Auntie gets out of the backseat on the driver’s side

>loses her balance

>staggers across the parking lot in the wrong direction

>I hear “AUN-TEE OH MY GOD!”

>Auntie runs into the fence surrounding the hotel pool

>catches herself

>grips the fence like she is about to fall overboard

>says “I’m good girl, I’m good. Gimme a second goddamn”

>several seconds pass

>both ladies vehemently refuse my help

>”Auntie you coming?”

>”YEAH I’M COMING DAMN!”

>Auntie feels around her own arms and shoulders

>looks at me and says “I forgot my jacket”

>Her jacket is in the backseat

>I say “Hey I’ll bring it to you”

>Auntie says “NO! Imma come get it”

>for awhile we watch Auntie screw her courage up by the fence

>there are a few false starts

>then Auntie sets out on a Great Circle Route

>she curves around the parking lot clockwise

>I hold the jacket at arm’s length through my window

>Auntie snatches it as she curves back around to crash into the pool fence again

>the first lady manages to come downstairs again during this operation

>she tries to head to the fence herself

>she makes it as far as the trunk of my car

>Auntie makes a desperate foray from the fence to the trunk

>and it is there they reunite and head inside

>laughing uproariously about how turnt they are