L. Igor. August 7, 2020

>driving Lyft

>pick up this dude named Igor

>seriously, Eastern European af

>got that Boris Badenov accent

>shaved head, tattoos

>looks like a henchman from a Jason Statham movie

>we are going to the airport

>he has no luggage

>we are already down the road when I realize

>shit

>dude’s not wearing a mask

>I say “hey man, you got a mask?”

>Igor scoffs

>”Mask? I have no Covid!”

>”That may be true,” I say, “but I could have it.”

>Igor scoffs again

>”If you tell me you are positive for Covid, I shake your hand. I hug you. I kiss you. I am not afraid of cooties.”

>”All the same, it is Lyft policy.”

>Igor scoffs a third time

>a rooster crows somewhere, probably

>”Policy? There are cameras in here?”

>dude wat

>”No, no cameras.”

>”Then no mask, is ok.”

>”No, it’s not ok. I would really feel better if you would at least pull your shirt up over your nose.”

>Igor sighs the sigh of one for whom existence itself has become intolerably stupid

>but he does pull up his shirt

>silence

>I say “ You know, they probably won’t let you in the airport without a mask.”

>”It’s no problem, no problem. I go all the time to the airport and they never throw me out.”

>more silence

>at the airport

>Igor says “I thank you. You got me to the airport very fast. Most Lyft drivers, they go slow everywhere, all the time. You drive very fast.”

>well gee bro I wonder why